oh how things have changed

im 23 a mom ,pregnant with my second child and going through a divorce now could i sound anymore like s soap opera yea it sucks i wish i could change it all but i cant i have to keep moving dont let them see me cry be the mom my daughter and unborn child deserve i want nothing but happiness for him but i want to be happy to i just hope that God gives me that happiness sooner rather then later and yes i know when the timing is right it will happen but i want to feel what i felt 5 years ago but i know that God is putting me through this so that i know i can make it on my own that i am strong on my own and my daughter and child deserve only the best not just what makes mommy happy i dont know what will happen from here on out but it can only get better .life is what you make it and right now i have to make life good i deserve good i deserve happy 

no more birth control

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ok so since it is pretty much going to come out anyway . i had my implanon taken out i was having so many issues from it mainly because i had it put in very soon after having my daughter and didn't let my body go back to normal hormonal wise and since having it taken out iv had alot less issues, all the ones that were making everyday things hard or unbearable are gone . so now to answer the next obvious question what are you doing for birth control now ? well im NOT i have been through almost every type of birth control that is on the market and haven't found one that works for me at the time so im going to leave my body alone im going to stop putting things in it that "could" have side effects that are less then desirable to say the least lol. i believe that if god wants me to have a baby i will have a baby birth control or not and hate to say it but birth control dosnt always work even when taken correctly both me and my sister are living proof of that and yes i realize that baby's and children cost money and while i haven't had the easiest time money wise in my past i work really hard my husband works really hard we don't have credit cards, we pay bills with only what we have on hand . so needless to say i have finished my vent on the matter and NO this isnt meant for just one person.and as i have said before and been told my whole life yes i will in the end do things my way .

so big so fast

my little girl dosnt seem so little anymore shes almost walking shes "talking" shes scowling  which is very funny to see every day she amazes me with something new sticking her tongue out  learning how to throw a temper tantrum sticking out her lower lip and looking at you hoping that you will save her from getting in trouble for doing something she knows she shouldn't do

 like playing with cords lol even though its so much fun lol she sleeps like i do she will fall asleep laying on her back but 30 minutes later will be on the other side of the bed turned around in direction and on her stomach .

she pushes my buttons but has taught me so much patience shes made me realize i will do anything to make sure she has whats she needs and wants toys that make to much noise and sippy cups that are pink and girly clothes that she wont fit into for 6 monthes but are so cute you cant pass them up ,i may not be perfect but i know i am a good mom because i have always done what i had to to make sure she is happy and taken care of 

1 year and counting

shes one year old its hard to say that and not be amazed and shocked some people who knew me way back when wouldnt think that at 22 i would be a mom of a 1 year old but i am i am a mom a wife and a happy person we have our hard times but you never get to the good part without going through some bad and i can honestly say my daughter has changed me so much and for the better before going to work was needed but optional once i had her it was a basic need i need to work to provide for her and losing my job sent me into a panic while i have continued to look for a job i am also enjoying having time to spend with her yes she still goes to daycare but i continue that because its something she is used to and it allows her to play with other kids and get used to being around other kids and smaller kids  there are days when i keep her home with me just because but i know that no madder what i will do what ever it takes to provide for my daughter even if it was illegal but on to the new everyone cares about athena she almost walking shes taking her time just cause she know everyone wants her to walk she has that attitude ill do it on my own time gee i wonder where she got that from lol any way she crawls at nascar speed she babbles and has conversations not that i know what shes saying but i talk back shes now on regular milk shes the perfect height and weight ratio, she willtolerate shoes for the most part shes starting to look more

 like her daddy and not just like me she has amazing people around her that keep her happy all the time shes got 5 teeth working on number 6 and she finally about a month and a half ago stop taking bottles cold turkey go figure i find the one sippy cup my child will use is from the dollar store for 2 bucks and while i found another one she will use she is one picky kid it has to be soft tip sippy cups only lol but shes growing every day she so much like me and her father she talks in her sleep like tony and can keep her self intertained like me shes amazing and puts a smile on my face every day even when iv had the worst days she makes it better just by smiling at me i cant wait to spend my life rasing her 

every day is new

my baby girl is 10 months old shes crawling trying to walk and doing so many other new things every day its amazing so many things have happened since i last wrote we have finally moved into a place that is big enough for our family and while we do eventually plan to have another child i am enjoying my time with my little angel who is so much like both me and tony its unreal she has morphed into a perfect mix of both of us ,she bubbly and always smiling even when she is sick she still laughs and plays like nothing is wrong heck half the time the only way i know shes sick is she wants to cuddle and be held lol, though she is starting this phase  where she has to see you or she has a fit and its only getting worse shes an attention hog but i cant say im completely surprised because she is an only child and also her top teeth are are trying to break through so its making for an interesting days and nights but its ok shes worth it

the day ill say i do

  



for the last 3 and a half years iv been the happiest i have ever been sad i know but looking back at every boyfriend iv had some of the i just had to try to hard to be happy with ,some were great guys just not for me but for so long i longed for the feeling of "i cant live without you"  there were times i confused not being able to live without some one and just wanting to be "loved" and so i defended that"love"till i was blue in the face and all i managed to do was help beat up my own heart and looking back now i ask myself constantly why i put up with so much bullshit from guys who "loved" me i guess im gluten for punishment i always did like the bad boys James dean type  while yes Edward Cullen would be my perfect mix of bad boy with a romantic side he's not real (shocker i know) lol now don't get me wrong i tried the good sweet type with a little rebel streak but it just wasn't for me i wanted a guy who knew what he liked let me get away with a little but wouldn't let me walk all over him a guy who could accept my damaged heart and would take the time to not fix it but help it heal naturally ,the day that i knew i had found something different was after being dragged out to just have fun and forget the last month of my life which led to hanging out watching movies with a guy i didn't even know and my best friend and her boyfriend and while that night i had no intention of hooking up or dating anyone anytime soon that night i fell and i fell hard and the next morning instead of shame i felt something else i felt happy i felt that this wasn't the last time i would see this soldier and i could see it in his eyes he knew to that this wasn't the normal morning after and from there we battled everything from age difference,to ex's trying to pry us apart to best friends thinking we were nuts for being with each other and the big battles,having kids,getting married and through it all we have come out stronger and more sure of the love we have for one another and while we did EVERYTHING ass backwards we have the most amazing out come a daughter,a family and now in a madder of days i will marry the man who in one night changed my life and regardless of my walls has stuck around to take down those walls one brick at a time i cant imagen my life any different i don't look back at my life and wonder what if i had dated this person instead because the outcome could never be as great as my reality is right now

6 months has flown by so fast

my little girl is now 6 months old and doing so much shes rolling over every time shes on the floor shes laughing like no tommorow ,shes almost got crawling down another couple of weeks and i think she will have it ,she has started to hold her bottle on her own only needing help when it rolls away lol,and she is now eating baby food she loves applesauce,and pears and carrots depending on her mood ,and now that im back at work and i have to leave her at a sitters while im gone i cherish every moment i have with her and i cant wait  to get married to her father the man i love with all my heart and have her there to celebrate with us and i cant wait to move from this tiny little place that was good for me and tony but has very fast grown to small for all 3 of us and the way its looking we will be able to get a bigger place very soon we cant wait ,while all this is going on around us i still feel like we manage to stay close as a family and in the next few weeks we will celebrate another milestone as a family me and tony are getting married on Halloween  yes Halloween why then of all days well i figure neither if us will ever be able to forget our anniversary,theres alot going on for our family lately but its all good and i cant wait to see what the rest of the year brings us