almost 1 month later

my daughter is almost one month old she 9lbs and has the most amazing blue eyes she has my nose mycheeks and my naturally dark hair,but she also has her fathers amazing blue eyes the shape of his ears his lips and his cocky smile that says "dont you wish you knew what i was thinking" she sleeps through most of the day wakes only when shes hungry or when she feels like gracing you with her presence,she smiles at just the right time ,like when its 3am and all i want to do is sleep but she has other ideas,or when daddy has had a bad/long day at work and its at those moments that i realize that the 60lbs i gained,the swollen feet i had,the multiple daily shots of insulin i had to give my self ,and the tearing i received which then lead to surgery was all completely worth it although i do wish the doctors had known how big she was and given me a c-section i know that i truly appreciate my daughter more knowing that i went through so much to have her and be healthy at the same time.i truly feel blessed that i was given this amazing family and the chance to be happy and give my love to my daughter and husband as i have said many times before i may have done things backwards but i wouldn't change it for anything i feel more loved then i could have ever did hope for 

long time no post

as i sit in bed at 1 am with my daughter sleeping one one side of me and my fiancee on the other i cant help think of how much my life has changed in the passed 3 years more less the last 2 weeks, nearly 3 years ago i met the man i will soon call my husband but i have for a while called my soul mate ,and i met him only by chance through a friend of a friend kind of thing and for some reason i felt drawn to someone i normally might not have,and i knew after only a short time he was someone i should hold on tight to and i did and though we have not had the most conventional relationship i have never felt more happy,secure,or safe with someone i know that no matter what he would never hurt me,he has always put me first before himself and i only hope that i can make him feel as loved as i do. i cant ask for anything more then i have now i wouldn't change anything about my life no i don't live in the greatest house,but i have a home no,i don't have my dream job,but i have a job,no i don't have money to blow,but i am able to pay my bills i may not have the life others may want me to,but i have the life that makes me happy.i may be tired,my hair may be messy and i may not look as put together as i used to,but my heart couldn't be happier i am a mom and wife.

week 1 of our life as a family

well one week ago i had the most precious little girl and on Easter we got to come home as a family and it has been great . i went to the doctor wensday to find out that one of my stitches broke down and i would need surgery which i will have this coming wensday at Scott&white hopefully this surgery will resolve the soreness and any tears. i was also told by the doctor that should i choose to have another baby unless i have premature labor and the baby is 6lbs or smaller it will be an automatic c-section ,although i wish they had known how big she was so i could have had a c-section and not been in so much pain but either way i have my little girl and i couldn't be happier then i am now i will do what ever it takes to make sure my daughter has everything she will ever need and i will do anything to make sure she is happy.

4-5-12 the day my life changed forever

i got the call Wednesday evening that i was being induced due to pre-eclamsa and so i called tony and we got together my and the baby's bag and headed in that was the beginning of a very long but worth while adventure .i got to the hospital and the put me on magnisium for the pre elclampsia and pitocin to induce labor ,i knew athena would be big but i didnt think she was going to be as big as she is .at first things were going slow to the point where it was Thursday eveing with slow progress then as soon as all my family and friends left things started moving faster i went from a 6 to an 8 in a matter of maybe an hour and a half i was excited and in pain so i opted for the epidural i thought i could last longer but i only lasted till i was about 4 cm im not as tough as i thought i was lol .i finally made it to 10 cm about 830pm they told me it was time to push but all we had to do is wait for the doctor to show up because she likes to be there through the whole pushing progress well little did i know and i wouldn't figure out till the next day my epidural needle had feel out on its own so i when it wore off i was out of luck and didn't know it all i knew was that something was wrong because i could feel everything when pushing then i was finally able to get her very large head out i didn't know it but her shoulders were getting stuck so the doctor had to cut me to try and get the baby out which then caused two more tears and the worst part was not that i felt as though i was a failure as a mother because i couldn't push my child out but when they were cutting me and telling me to push and then all of a sudden two nurses were on top of me pushing on my stomach pressing down trying to get my daughter out i felt as though i had lost all control and if it wasn't for tony being there the whole time holding my hand and telling me that i could do this and he believed in me i know for sure i wouldn't have made it through what happened i felt as though my body was being ripped apart and there was nothing i could do to stop it or help bring my daughter into this world but tony told me its ok you can do it and so i prayed to god that no madder what just save my little girl and tell me what to do and the next thing i knew they had pulled Athena out and were doing what ever it is they do and were stitching be up  and i felt all of that as well.tony went to check on Athena and it wasn't till Friday morning that i actually got to see my little girl and even though she is having her ups and downs which can you blame her she had a heck of a entrance i feel that i am beyond blessed i have a beautiful daughter and an amazing fiance and together we are a family we may not be the typical family but we are a family none the less and i couldn't feel happier then i am at this point and time if i knew what was going to happen would i do it again yes i mean i would most definitely insist upon a c-section but i would do anything for my little girl even going through the pain of tearing and stitches and walking funny i love you Anthony Michael Degel and Athena Marie Degel you are my life and i couldn't be happier

if i make it to 39 weeks

im at 36 weeks as of Friday and im hoping that Athena decides any day now to grace us with her presence so that i may once again breathe with out contorting my body 180  degrees one way or the other lol and so that i can walk around for more the 30 minutes with out wondering  " when did my feel start looking like puffer fish" but in the off chance that i make it to 39 weeks i will be induced so during the week of April 8th i will be induced if i haven't had Athena. i hope that i have my wonderful little girl before that  because besides the fact that i would like to breath again i keep seeing all my friends who just had their baby's and i have to admit i am impatient and want to hold,cuddle,and post pictures of my little girl . so Athena when you are ready which i hope is sooner rather then later so is mommy,and daddy.

im ready why are you taking so long

my dear Athena im very ready for you to arrive and not just because its hard to move and breath i cant wait to hold you kiss you and show you all of what this world has to offer .what i want you to know is that you are coming into a world that is not always fair or nice but that you are also coming into a family that planned you and waited what seemed like forever for your arrival,a family that even though they had different values came together to show you love before you ever arrived .i cant wait for you to get here and neither can your father but if we must wait we will because you are a gift worth waiting for .

only 7 weeks to go

so with a little less then 2 months i can honestly say im beyond ready for Athena  to be here my feet are swollen as well as hand and fingers but as i get closer to my due date and slowly learn how to deal with the pregnancy diabetes i can say that i will cherish my little girl more then i ever thought i could the last couple months have been stressful to say the least and with the support of my family friends and of course my future husband i am confident i will make it to the end with most of sanity.the doctors say i have 7 weeks left but i know the likely hood of them taking her early increases if i cant get my blood sugar under control and although im very ready to meet her i will do my best to keep her inside me till shes ready and well enough to brave this crazy world .