the day ill say i do

  



for the last 3 and a half years iv been the happiest i have ever been sad i know but looking back at every boyfriend iv had some of the i just had to try to hard to be happy with ,some were great guys just not for me but for so long i longed for the feeling of "i cant live without you"  there were times i confused not being able to live without some one and just wanting to be "loved" and so i defended that"love"till i was blue in the face and all i managed to do was help beat up my own heart and looking back now i ask myself constantly why i put up with so much bullshit from guys who "loved" me i guess im gluten for punishment i always did like the bad boys James dean type  while yes Edward Cullen would be my perfect mix of bad boy with a romantic side he's not real (shocker i know) lol now don't get me wrong i tried the good sweet type with a little rebel streak but it just wasn't for me i wanted a guy who knew what he liked let me get away with a little but wouldn't let me walk all over him a guy who could accept my damaged heart and would take the time to not fix it but help it heal naturally ,the day that i knew i had found something different was after being dragged out to just have fun and forget the last month of my life which led to hanging out watching movies with a guy i didn't even know and my best friend and her boyfriend and while that night i had no intention of hooking up or dating anyone anytime soon that night i fell and i fell hard and the next morning instead of shame i felt something else i felt happy i felt that this wasn't the last time i would see this soldier and i could see it in his eyes he knew to that this wasn't the normal morning after and from there we battled everything from age difference,to ex's trying to pry us apart to best friends thinking we were nuts for being with each other and the big battles,having kids,getting married and through it all we have come out stronger and more sure of the love we have for one another and while we did EVERYTHING ass backwards we have the most amazing out come a daughter,a family and now in a madder of days i will marry the man who in one night changed my life and regardless of my walls has stuck around to take down those walls one brick at a time i cant imagen my life any different i don't look back at my life and wonder what if i had dated this person instead because the outcome could never be as great as my reality is right now

6 months has flown by so fast

my little girl is now 6 months old and doing so much shes rolling over every time shes on the floor shes laughing like no tommorow ,shes almost got crawling down another couple of weeks and i think she will have it ,she has started to hold her bottle on her own only needing help when it rolls away lol,and she is now eating baby food she loves applesauce,and pears and carrots depending on her mood ,and now that im back at work and i have to leave her at a sitters while im gone i cherish every moment i have with her and i cant wait  to get married to her father the man i love with all my heart and have her there to celebrate with us and i cant wait to move from this tiny little place that was good for me and tony but has very fast grown to small for all 3 of us and the way its looking we will be able to get a bigger place very soon we cant wait ,while all this is going on around us i still feel like we manage to stay close as a family and in the next few weeks we will celebrate another milestone as a family me and tony are getting married on Halloween  yes Halloween why then of all days well i figure neither if us will ever be able to forget our anniversary,theres alot going on for our family lately but its all good and i cant wait to see what the rest of the year brings us